Saturday, October 31, 2009
A Horse Is Dying...Let's Beat it Some More.....
Sooooo….over the past two years or so, monogamy and the (in)validity of it has been a pretty hot topic amidst people in my immediate and larger communities, especially amongst folks of my age set.
There are many people who believe that based on divorce rates, infidelity, and the general perception of unhappiness and unhealthiness of modern relationships/marriages, that monogamy is an unrealistic construct.
There are also many people who believe that monogamy – the idea of one man for one woman, is the way to build strong families and communities and that healing oneself comes through true and genuine interaction with another person.
And most of these people don’t see eye to eye. And a number of these people are in relationships.
With each other!
So where does that leave us?
Is monogamy the problem?
Is an open relationship construct the solution to the problem?
Are those who remain in monogamous relationships deluding themselves and afraid of change? Are they involved in an archaic game of ownership and forced reciprocity?
Are those who propose a more fluid and open construct living unrealistically? Are they really able to provide a firm and secure foundation upon which to build families and raise children?
Or is the issue something entirely different?
Is it our fear of communicating honestly and openly about our needs? Are we afraid to say “I don’t like this”, or “I don’t want that”, or “This makes me afraid”, or “This makes me feel good”?
Can that level of communication exist in the loving and supportive environment of a monogamous relationship? Or does it only exist in the boundless construct of an open/fluid relationship?
I’m not judging. Just wondering what other folks are thinking about this subject.