The Depression Diet

So.......I'm just really trying to make myself less indigo these days. A nice cerulean would do. Honestly.

One shonuff thing about feeling badly (for me), is that it does WONDERS for my figure! Happiness and bliss be damned! My thighs are (gasp) small(ish)!!! My arms are.....less bouncy! All I need is $2,000 worth of airbrushing and I'm making the cover of King magazine. Well....maybe $2500 and an updated photoshop program....and some pancake makeup. For the stretchmarks on my ass......But it would be good!! I tell you.

So my friends and family are telling me to eat and drink. And right now, depression tastes like chocolate cake. No...better than chocolate cake. Depression tastes like Parano cheese and ripe pears, followed by seared salmon on a bed of sauteed spinach and mushrooms, and a glass of sauvignon blanc....or vinho verde. Yes. And butter. Depression tastes like butter - the good, kind. In the foil wrapper. That costs $8.00 a pound.

Depression tastes better than the first ever diver scallops I had in my life at Red Sage in 1999. Depression tastes better than foie gras. And fatty toro, and Jim's steak and cheese with mushrooms and peppers and ketchup.

Depression is DELICIOUS! It's better than tapioca pudding and baklava with lots of butter. And better than popcorn popped in olive oil and seasoned with Fleur de Sel. It's better than dinners at Restaurant Nora, I Ricchi, Makoto, Oceanaire, Black Salt.

Depression is BETTER than VODKA GIMLETS...even the homemade, Vegas diet kind.

Depression is DELECTABLE. It's even tastier than brunch at Bouchon!! It is, I tell you. It's better than dinner at Mesa Grille, too.

It's so filling, depression. Mmmm....mmmm...good. Like Campbell's Soup. No...better....better even than that expensive ass soup that nobody buys because it costs $9.00 a can. The one with the white lable. WHO EATS THAT??? Don't nobody eat that!!!

Depression....it does a mind crazy, but damn sure does a body good!