Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Absolution or Responsibility?

So for nearly two weeks, I’ve been seeing the facebook statuses – and they’re all about accepting oneself, no matter what.

Then come the notices of the intent to go the public forum route and talk about the cheating experience on the radio.

That for me was the last fucking straw. Like dog – DO YOU HAVE NO SHAME?? This is NOT JUST YOUR situation. There are families affected here. There are real people, with real lives and real struggles trying their best to get over, resolve, move forward. I feel like this is a public spectacle of her “struggle for acceptance” .

And who's left holding the bag?

You see, I’m convinced that people who cheat just want to get the hell over it. They want to do a little bit and get instant forgiveness. They want to get back to normal as quickly as possible and get this whole thing behind them.

But there’s a difference between responsibility and absolution.

Absolution is granted. It’s something that’s given as an act of mercy. Like clemency or pardoning. Absolution isn’t the responsibility of the wronged person. Absolution comes when our friends look at us funny for a couple of days and then say “okay, I ain’t mad at you no more, you’re still my girl/dude, no matter what.” Absolution requires no serious self-reflection and no serious commitment to change.

Responsibility is a little different. Responsibility says “you know what, what I did was fucked up AND it has affected a number of people around me. I’m going to take responsibility for what I’ve done in a way that is sensitive and gentle.” Responsibility says "there is someone in this other than me." That it’s not JUST about the transgressor getting OVER it, but about taking some long hard looks at what got the transgressor there and how s/he needs to repair some relationships.

Responsibility says that there is not “just my side of the story that needs to be aired.”

Absolution is an occurrence, where responsibility is a commitment to a process – that in the END may also result in absolution.

Hmph.

And that’s all I have to say about THAT shit.

1 comment:

  1. I did not read this blog before I wrote a response on facebook about an hour ago, finally catching a clue of the trail of responses about this topic. We almost echo each other. Yep, I had a similar situation, not to reblog myself (LOL) where the perpetrator in my case decided to write a short story about our situation that was in fact published in Essence. When people stoop to that level its pretty pathetic and either they are just totally crazy and delusional or in a very low and selfish place. Giving me flashbacks!!! I sincerely and humbly hope this is a sacred and safe place for your reflections and healing...???

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