Misery - Vintage 2007

Apparently, 2007 was a really rough period in my life. However, when the going gets tough, the Retired Superwoman writes. I've committed to being honest, though that's the most painful part of writing - the fear of offending, the fear of alienating, the fear of being judged as crazy or literarily (not a word) challenged. My painful writing is the most eloquent, though. I figured you guys deserve it...since you read all my other drivel. So here goes:
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I want to curse loudly with
Abandon on the
streets at people walking by

I came up with this haiku as I was walking back to my office from lunch. The first thing I heard as I ascended the elevator from the food court was the deep, gravelly, authoritative voice of a man passionately hurling expletives. I knew without looking at him that he was one of the homeless contingent that populate the streets downtown. As he passed me, arms swinging carelessly in the early-October breeze, I grew envious of the anonymity granted him by his lack of physical address. There he was, yelling, calling someone a punk-ass, bitch-ass, weak-ass motherfucker who don’t know shit.

Today is one of those days when I’d like to express myself the same way. I feel the beginning of the tearing. It always happens about a week before my period, when I feel my sanity ripping away from my brain. I feel powerless to stop it. I see it happening. I feel it happening and yet I cannot reach out and grab it back.

If I could touch my sanity during these points, I imagine that it would be like trying to hold a weight with a sheet of wet facial tissue. The edges of my sanity are all soft and pliable and rip without provocation.

I hate myself for going crazy once a month. I wish someone would take me seriously when I say that I feel mentally imbalanced and that I should lock myself up for the week or so that this period lasts.

I am not a pleasant person to be around at this time. I am a failure. And a fat one at that. I hate my periods.